After many weeks of travelling and selling my wares at various small islands, I was quite a bit wealthier than I was when we left Balsora. We were sailing up to an unmapped island the helmsman had spotted. We could soon enough see that there were no people living on the island, but the Captain ordered us to stop so that we could stretch our legs and attempt to replenish our fresh water. A few merchants and I disembarked to explore the island. As evening fell, we all lit a fire to keep the cold ocean breeze at bay. As soon as the wood went up in flames, we felt the island tremble below us.
The island turned out to be an old, sleeping whale. What had appeared to be grass to my eyes turned out to be seaweed washed up on the back of this whale. The whale had been still so long that palm trees had managed to grow. He shook us off his back violently. Everyone on the whale's back was flung off along with all the foliage. I watched some of my fellow merchants drown as I grasped onto a floating palm tree. I could see the ship fleeing to the distance. I'm sure the sailors were fearing further retaliation from the whale. The captain was inadvertently leaving me for dead, floating in the ocean. I fell asleep floating on the log, thinking about how I shouldn't have wasted my parents' fortune.
 |
| Sindbad being thrown from the whale, from Look & Learn |
I was forced to march behind their horses for hours until we reached a walled city with a large castle in the center. The stone was tan colored, and many purple barriers featuring the same regalia hung from the walls. Here, a Captain of the Guard explained to me that I was now one of King Mihrage's prisoners, charged with being a spy. Evidently, I had climbed the cliffs next to the King's summer residence where his wife was currently vacationing. I tried to explain that I was just a shipwrecked merchant, but no one believed me. The guard then explained to me that I would be taken to the port and sold into slavery as punishment for my crimes. The ropes that bound my wrists were replaced with chains, and I was forced to begin marching again.
I walked down a hill below the castle and saw that I would soon be at the port. Then I was greeted by a familiar sight - the ship that I had set out from Balsora with. I was about to call to my Captain so that he could rescue me, but then I saw the crew unloading all of my goods for sale. Apparently the Captain thought he could just sell off my possessions. Now angry, I called out to him and the color drained from his face. He knew how bad it would look if he was found to have left me for dead in the ocean and then sell all my goods. He vehemently denied all knowledge of me to the guards. He wouldn't even use the money he made from my stolen goods to buy my freedom. Dragged to the far end of the port, a rich merchant bought me. He claimed that I would help him with maintaining his ivory trade. So, in a cell on another ship, the first voyage of Sindbad ended. I relayed my story to the other slaves locked in the cell with me and we all lamented about our misfortunes.
Author's Note: For my writing this week, I have decided to take a more realistic view of the Voyages of Sindbad. Sindbad is quite lucky in these stories. Everything seems to go right for him. My story turns that idea on its head. He is not well received by King Mihrage like he is in the original story. Also in the original story his fortune is restored by the ship captain after he recognized him.
Some things I did keep, such as the first person perspective of the original story. Keeping the style original makes it feel more like the original writing. Also I felt the beginning with the whale is weird, and could be changed to just a regular shipwreck since I am making this a more "realistic" story, but I decided to stay true to the original story. If I were to change everything, it would no longer be inspired by the story of Sindbad.
I am not completely closing off the possibility of writing the rest of the voyages, and I left the ending somewhat open, though I'm sure those familiar with the story and how I'm changing it can see where it will end. Look forward to more soon!
The Voyages of Sindbad, by Andrew Lang
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI haven’t read the story of Sinbad so I’m not 100% sure how to react to the retelling, it was rather could but I was missing dialogue. I think it would have connected me more to the characters and what was happening. I understood you wanting to keep to the original and I think that is admirable. I just was missing what everyone thought, how did Sinbad feel when he was sold off? Surely, he was angry and sad. Otherwise, I think it was good and I hope you keep with the voyage theme there are so many possibilities!
ReplyDeleteAndrew, you are the third person who has added a story sourced from the voyages of Sinbad that I have read. I am very intrigued on how this version was different from the previous one’s I have read and actually written. Your story seems more realistic as opposed to the source story. I do wish you would've gone with a third person view so we could get more insight into the other feelings of the characters, especially the king. However, the view in which you have written gives a more direct delivery to the story which I am a fan of. One thing I think you could incorporate into this story would be some dialogue. It would be nice to see what Sinbad’s thinking. I think it would also be neat if you write the rest of the voyages in future weeks. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to more of your posts.
ReplyDeleteHey Andrew!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, amazing storytelling here. You used great details and used really visual words; I could almost picture ever scene as if I were watching a movie. There were a few grammatical and punctuation errors, so go back over the story just a little slower (I know it's hard to see all those tiny things after spending a lot of time writing). One detail that kind of threw me off at first was you said the main character grabbed onto a floating palm tree. I got confused because in my mind, I was picturing n entire palm tree which you later specified that it was just the branch. So maybe change that to say "I grasped onto a piece of floating palm tree," just for people like me who get confused easily. This may sound strange, but I really liked that you did end the story all wrapped up in a nice bow. This gives it potential for more spin off stories if you so desired. . All in all, great story and was very engaging.
Hi Andrew, I was not familiar with the story “Voyages of Sindbad,” but luckily your Author’s Note gave me enough background information so that I could understand the main differences between the original story and your own version of the story. I am glad you kept the first person perspective of the original story because I personally think it makes the story more interesting for the reader and the audience. The fact that you made the story more realistic overall was an interesting change – I liked it! The “wow” moment that really caught me by surprise was that the island was actually a sleeping whale. I was not expecting that at all, especially since I was not familiar with the original story. Just curious – did he fall asleep floating on the log because he was tired or did he kind of pass out from the terror? That was the only thing that kind of left me slightly confused. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your story!
ReplyDeleteHi Andrew. Wow, fantastic job! I thought your story telling was excellent. I am unfamiliar with the Voyages of Sinbad (or, at least, it’s been years and years), so I had no idea what sorts of things were coming next. I think you did a wonderful job of keeping your reader in the dark while keeping them intrigued. Some particular places where I was eager to know what would happen next were when they landed on the unmapped island (who knows what would live there), when he was taken prisoner, and when he saw the captain. You did a good job of painting the bleakness of his situation.
ReplyDeleteI’m curious as to why they automatically assumed that Sinbad was a spy. What if he were to inadvertently be in a situation that looks more suspicious, like he climbs over the wall and talks to the first person he sees (who happens to be the queen), and is then arrested? I don’t know how much you’re looking to change the story, though. I’m also curious as to whether or not anything every happened to the Captain for the evil he had done.
Your version of Sinbad sounded more interesting than the original version. I like Sindad’s adventures, but he always had so much luck that it overshadowed his talents. This is the main reason that I chose not to read The Voyages of Sinbad for my reading. I hope you will continue on this story because I think Sinbad in your version will be more amazing since he has to struggle through many difficulties to survive instead of living through his voyages because of luck. I want to ask what voyages you are planning to write for the next story. In addition, since you changed one of the main factors in Sinbad’s life, which is luck, what do you plan for Sinbad’s personality? Will he still be an optimistic and carefree sailor? Or will he becomes more mature but losing his trust in humanity? I am excited for you upcoming story about Sinbad. Keep up with your great work!
ReplyDeleteHaving read the stories of Sinbad, I think you did an excellent job of retelling his tales. I enjoy the details you use in your writing. I find that details are what really make or break a story. Everyone has a variety of different writing styles, but your details are really good! I like that you totally did a 180 on Sinbads luck and left the story open ended. I think that you should continue to do your writings on Sinbad because this alone is good and really demonstrates your ability to make a story out of his adventures!
ReplyDeleteHey Andrew!
ReplyDeleteI have never read the original story but your story seemed very interesting which makes me curious about the story you based your story off of. Without the context of the original it was hard to understand somethings throughout the story. However, I really liked your writing and storytelling. There were paragraphs that seemed oblivious when looking at the amount of detail you spent on it compared to another paragraph’s details. Your writing potential for this story shines here and there but it isn’t consistent. It seems that the outline of your story and the detail did not match up in some instances, but I hope that you write a sequel or write more about your ideas with this stories because it did do it’s job when entertaining the reader.
Andrew, first off the verbiage you use really immerses the reader into the story. The word “squandered” in the first sentence was a verb that caught my eye and had me hooked. Apart from your creative vocabulary the first sentence drew the reader in due to the bold statement you started with saying you’re broke. It makes the reader question how you got there, why you’re so broke, and are you going to be rich once the story is over? The Imagery used in your story was very strategic, it made me feel as if I too were on the long voyage and laying my eyes upon the white sandy beaches. After reading your author’s note I am intrigued with how you are going to end the voyage, or alter it, as I am not familiar with The Voyages of Sinbad. Looking forward to reading more of your work. Great, Job!
ReplyDeleteAndrew, I read The Voyages of Sinbad a couple of weeks ago for one of my storytelling assignments and it was very interesting to read. Your take on it is similar to the original story, but I can tell that you changed some of the details of the plot. I like how you included a picture from the original story because it gives a correct representation of the story being told by both you and the original author.
ReplyDeleteAndrew, I read The Voyages of Sinbad a couple of weeks ago for one of my storytelling assignments and it was very interesting to read. Your take on it is similar to the original story, but I can tell that you changed some of the details of the plot. I like how you included a picture from the original story because it gives a correct representation of the story being told by both you and the original author.
ReplyDeleteHey Andrew!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I really loved what you did with your storytelling. One thing i can really admire is your use of detail and having your writing lend itself to the visual reader. Just as a small piece of advice I would proofread your story once more, to catch a couple of grammatical/punctuation errors (there were not too many of them, just helps to go over it once more with a fine tooth comb). I was not familiar with this story beforehand, but I really liked that your version of it! Most of all I liked that you were able to end the story with a cohesive and concise ending, with retelling I often feel this is the hardest part. Overall, it was a great story to read and I look forward to reading more!